omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
