The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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