I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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