..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
from now on my penis is your penis
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
