I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
