I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
