oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
