Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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