He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
