I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
