My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
