it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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