The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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