I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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