she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
