remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
