Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
