I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
