im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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