Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
