forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
