I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
sick fucks of a feather flock together
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
