Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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