i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
