I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
