Only a mothe r could love this liver
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Randomize