I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm too high and old for this...
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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