Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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