Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
