Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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