do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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