I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
