Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
