I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
