Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
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