Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
