I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
