the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
