What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I think my moral compass just broke
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
