4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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