I think I am morally bankrupt
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
