I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
