why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
