there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
