Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
