4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
