she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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