Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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