can we get nightvision for the apartment?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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