She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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