i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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