Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize