the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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