No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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