I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
