Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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