i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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