I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
