worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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