We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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