please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
