you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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