Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
