Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
