the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
