So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
