Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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