You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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